Sunday, August 23, 2009

the breakdown.



Tonight I read something. Something that made me long to do what I used to, something my friends are too scared to talk to me about, something that nearly destroyed my life.
It opened my eyes in a way that I can't even explain to you. My heart started beating faster and faster. I havn't thought about doing anything like this since before conference, if it wasn't for my parents being home perhaps I would have. I'm becoming less and less sure of myself every day.
I remember the relief it brought me. The pleasure I found in seeing the blood slowly creeping down my arm. How did I find pleasure in this? How am I meant to restrain myself from doing this. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
Jesus, help me.

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