If I go into The Darkness.

Overwhelming guilt.
I can't believe what I did.
I didn't even think.
I don't even know what I was trying to do.
What am I trying to do?
Why do I keep doing this to me and everyone that cares.
I'm slowly fucking my whole life up.
Making it unbearable to live.
It's all too much.
I feel as thought something has been stabbing me.
As if I'm empty.
As if I'm missing something.
Maybe missing someone?
I just want it all to be back to like it was five months ago.
I was beyond happy.
I loved God.
I didn't smoke or drink.
I didn't do any of this.
I didn't need him.
I didn't have to disappoint people or break their hearts.
Today every time I saw you I looked the other way.
I felt so ashamed.
No words could make up for what I did to you.
Or what I implied.
I couldn't concentrate.
I only thought of ways to run out.
The easiest way to the exit.
I just wanted to go home and sleep it all off.
It's not going to be better in the morning.
I can't lie to myself like that.
I may eventually be truely forgiven for my stupidity but it will never go away.
And I can never stop saying,
I'm so so so sorry.