Amazing day.
I still felt shit about myself.
And I still had to hold back the tears when I looked in the mirror.
But it was just generally good.
I love my class I really do.
I love the drawing I handed in with my english project.
I actually did homework this week, twice.
That makes two times this term.
I feel rather accomplished.
And now I feel a massive urge to be better than all of this.
I don't want to fail at life anymore.
I don't want you influencing me.
I want to be happy.
I want a good life.
I want to go out and genuinely smile and laugh.
I want to stop worrying about him, not going to happen but I want to.
Frig, I just want to be able to fucking live my life without you all bringing me down again.
I need to step away from the blade again for good this time, I made it ten months before and stupidly gave in. I need to be able to live without constantly thinking of the past, how I was with God and how I gave it all up and managed to fuck up my life.
Mmm, yeah.
darling i just want you to know that im so proud of you!!! no matter how much it is your still making progress and that means your a few steps closer to where you want to be in the world, i will help you as much as i can, you know that your not dumb and you can do it if you try, who knows maybe you will surprise yourself and come out feeling better than before and a little bit further away from that blade that shuts you down. well done baby girl i love you x
ReplyDelete