Friday, December 18, 2009


500th post, wow wow wow.

Dear God,
I don't think I believe in you anymore.
I don't think you mean anything to me anymore.
Why are you never there when I need you?
When I'm in pain searching for relief what are you doing for me?
You confuse me.
I don't like this confusion. I don't like the contemplation.
I don't like thinking about any of this anymore.
I don't like looking at my bible.
Words. Words. Words.
Never do I see anything that means something to me.
I'm not sure this makes sense, it probably doesn't.
You never made me feel better, the amazing people around me did.
Salvation? Being saved?
Mmm...
The last few Boom's that I actually went to I could hardly stand through worship.
The words hurt. Too many painful memories.
I think I wanted so hard to believe I just convinced myself of things, but never truly believed.
Yeah, wow this doesn't make sense does it? Sorry.
But yeah, I think I just wanted to say that..
x

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